


Consequence

by takenbythewater



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Universe, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-07 21:02:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11631846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takenbythewater/pseuds/takenbythewater
Summary: It had only been a week since they’d returned. A week since he’d fully intended to slit his throat and snatch Lobov’s documents from him, taking them back underground with his blood drying in the parchment as a trophy. He’d been nothing to him.





	1. One Week

     In the Underground, a person could get by on being a novelty act. There had been an old woman that made money by outdrinking men twice her size and half her age, a man with a twisted foot that had trained a stray mutt to bow and prance for scraps and a few dirty coins. Strength was not everything to survival there, but it certainly helped. A strong person was also feared, and had a better chance of being left alone. It worked on a sort of balance. If you were small, then you had better be quick. Strange, difficult to deal with? Make it up with sheer force. A weak person had better have something to offer, even if it was only a few cheap laughs.

     Above ground, Levi would have been a novelty just by daring to exist where the sun could touch.

     He could not blame Erwin for the way the rest of the Corps saw him, he’d even downplayed the recruitment of three thugs from the Underground. It had been Shadis that decided to make a circus act out of them and for the rest now, Levi reasoned he had no one but himself to blame.

     If anyone came sniffing around because they’d caught wind of inflated gossip about some strongman act, they would be sorely disappointed. Since that first foray outside the walls, Levi had made himself scarce, a living ghost.

     He could not possibly care less if they felt that he’d let them down, he owed them all nothing. But, under the weight of his guilt, there was an exception. Isabel and Farlan couldn’t be ashamed of him, couldn’t _be_ anything, but as he lay stiff and restless in the far corner of the soldiers’ barracks, he could not stomach the thought of Smith being disappointed with him.

     It had only been a week since they’d returned. A week since he’d fully intended to slit his throat and snatch Lobov’s documents from him, taking them back underground with his blood drying in the parchment as a trophy. He’d been nothing to him.  Now, Erwin was all that he had left, the only person that wasn’t a stranger to him.

     The sun would begin to rise soon, he guessed, judging by how long he had been staring at the underside of the empty bunk above him. He couldn’t quite place when he’d slept last, all he knew was that whenever he closed his eyes all he could see was bone, blood and teeth. He took a deep breath, letting his head loll to the side.

     Levi’s eyes had only just begun to slide shut when the heavy silence of the barracks was cut through, the dull and heavy tone of the bell outside somehow managing to send the same jolt through him that a scream would have. The others hauled themselves out of bed with what seemed like purpose, pulling their boots on and standing at attention the moment their heels touched the floor.

     “Report to the yard in five minutes,” The large bear of a man, having yanked the door open, bellowed into the room, voice echoing off the walls. Miche. The squad leader with the beard and the big nose. The one that didn’t like him, or rather, the one who disliked him the most. Levi had assumed he only spoke in grunts. He looked over to him, flat and unmoving where everyone else had nearly punched holes through their chests in their haste to salute, and wrinkled his nose, like he could smell the Underground on him,“That goes for all of you.”

     The sky was beginning to change, fading from a dark velvety blue to a bruised purple in the first hints of creeping sunlight. Levi got up slowly, one limb at a time and each one feeling heavier than the last, retrieving his boots from underneath the bed almost as an afterthought. There’s still a dark spatter on the toe of one, and he can already see himself scrubbing until his fingers are raw to take it out. He knows now that a titan’s blood doesn’t linger, nothing of them does. For all the destruction they cause and the lives they take, nothing of them is permanent. It doesn’t seem fair, but nothing in this world ever has.

     The rest of the soldiers around him all walk in a sort of gaggle, heads high but humble, backs straight. Something curdles inside him when they start to form neat rows in the courtyard, several pairs of eyes darting back and forth like they’re watching a lost animal that somehow stumbled upon the base, like he’s something that has no place here. For a moment he hates them. They aren’t wrong, but he hates them. Nevertheless, he trails along behind them.

    Miche is the first of the Squad Leaders he sees outside, at first looking down his nose at him and then like he’s caught a whiff of wet garbage. Levi isn’t cowed by it, doesn’t have the energy to be bothered. It’s not like he’ll get his face shoved in filth by him again, here in the yard. Just a short while ago, he would have invited him to try and so much as lay a finger on him, just try. That person, Levi believes, may as well be listed among the dead.

     He doesn’t expect to see a familiar or friendly face in front of him, has never expected that in his life, but Shadis’s  expression was somehow even worse than whatever he could’ve conjured up. Disgust was not a harsh enough word to describe it, but at least this time he wasn’t the one and only target. The old man didn’t even seem to like the air he breathed. Maybe if he breathed it in a little more deeply, he wouldn’t feel the need for tantrums so often. Levi lowers his head, not out of respect, but to avert his eyes.

     He’ll die here, he’s sure, but at the very least he’ll get to die under the sun. He takes a place he’s not sure is his, stands not quite at attention. There’s a flurry of movement at the front of the yard, papers rustling in the stiff silence, and then Shadis bellows.

     “We’ve been cleared for another attempt at securing a path leading out of Shiganshina and beyond the wall. We depart in thirty days. Get yourselves in order, make arrangements,” He pauses, seeming a bit satisfied at the tremble that goes through the rows of his soldiers, “Squad Leader Erwin will be briefing you all on our formation  later in the week.”

     Levi swallows the hard lump that forms in his throat at the mention of that name. He almost took his head less than a month ago, and all for nothing. The rest of the details, he doesn’t bother listening to. All he hears now is the roar of the pouring rain, only an echo in his head.

     The soldiers are dismissed to go and train after what must’ve been something pretty important, and he only grazes his jacket when the rest salute. He could leave, no one would come after him, but where would he go? And for what?  Blowing off drills seems like the clear choice, but if he doesn’t report in, it would become Smith’s problem. He was Smith’s problem.

     He turned, reluctantly, from his course back to the barracks and was met with a wall of white cloth. Upon taking a step back and tipping his chin up to see, he realized that it was in fact, the man he’d just been sulking about.

     “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Erwin’s brow creases with what shouldn’t be concern. His hand isn’t wrapped anymore, “Levi, I’m looking forward to you honing your skills here. Your peers have a lot to learn from your techniques,” his voice is warm, despite being so low. Levi almost wonders if he’s joking. It must show on his face, because Erwin huffs a confused sort of laugh.

       “They’ll be disappointed. I can’t teach worth shit.” Levi looks away, aware that what he’s said isn’t proper, isn’t becoming of a soldier, whatever the hell that means when they’ll all die anyway. He doesn’t see Erwin’s eyes soften at the edges. He must be mistaken.

     “Well, you’ll give them something to strive for, regardless,” Erwin offers him something like a smile, the slightest turn of his lips. You’ll be disappointed, is what Levi wants to say, wants to ask him if he regularly likes to sift through garbage to look for something useful, if he’s had any luck with trash before. He stays quiet.

     “For all that it’s worth, Levi, I’m glad that you chose to stay and fight with us. Thank you.”

       This is a man he had fully intended to kill. This is a man who owed him nothing. Levi ducks his head, but the sun still warms his face.


	2. One Month

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> way too fuckin long later

     No one ever asked how an expedition had gone. There was no need to ask, the bodies loaded in wagons, the blank faces of seasoned soldiers and the tremors in those who had left the walls with no real clue what they would face outside of the world they'd known all their lives, that was all that most needed to pass judgement.

    The blood congealing on the horses' hooves, the wooden slats of the wagons. That was their hard-earned money dripping into the gutter. How reckless, how inept these idiots must be, to do nothing more than  go on little jaunts outside to feed the titans. It was a waste.

 

     Erwin would not say so aloud, but the past few months had been disastrous in terms of casualties and they had nothing at all to show for it. Shadis was still his commander, but he felt nothing but obligatory respect for the man, whose only real strategy was to lead his soldiers headlong into the mouths of titans.

    

    They'd lost so many, and hunched over his desk, signing Shadis' name at the bottom of copied letters of condolence, he felt the dead peering over his shoulders, the weight of their disappointment pressing down and down and down until their names in black ink  all seemed to blur under his tired eyes.

 

   There's no knock at the door to indicate that someone is waiting to enter, instead, the door clicks and out of the corner of his eye he sees it crack open and slip shut without so much as a single creak. Levi.

        It’s at that moment that the battered desk tips, the odd leg thudding against the floor, putting the whole thing on more of a slope. He watches with the mute disappointment of someone who has been witness to far too many accidents for one day, doesn’t move to stop his pens all rolling toward the floor.

        A small hand smacks against the chipped surface, slender fingers hooking around as many of the pens as they can. It stirs Erwin to action in enough time for him to pluck the last one from the space between the edge of the desk and the floorboards. He sighs, his jaw unclenching for the first time in what must have been hours. Ordinarily, a soldier barging into his office at this time of night would be cause for concern. A month ago, Levi barging into his office would have been an emergency, and he would’ve been prepared to have to disarm him.

 

   “Thank you, Levi.”

       

      “Yeah. What are you doing this late?”

     

          Erwin blinks. He hasn’t had anyone ask after him like this since he was a boy, and he feels like he has to explain himself properly.

 

        “The letters, they’ll need to be sent out by tomorrow morning.”  He slips his boot under the troublesome leg, tipping his desk back upright. Levi is still looking at him, still seems to be waiting for a better explanation, when he slides his own foot underneath to keep it balanced.

       “It _is_ tomorrow morning,”  the arch of his brow is an impatient one as he puts the pens back at far edge of Erwin’s desk.

      “Yes, I have to-” It wasn’t enough time. They’d returned through the gate in the dark, delayed by torrential rain and low visibility. He had known it wouldn’t be enough time the moment he started. The families had no idea, couldn’t even begin to grieve because they believed their children, their siblings, might still be alive.  “These have to be delivered to the next-of-kin, and before that I’ll have to sort through their belongings and send them home--” Levi is looking at him with what, a month ago, he would have mistaken for apathy or resentment. He turns one of the finished letters on the desk so that he can see it rightside up.

      “Says ‘Commander Keith Shadis’ at the bottom here,” he folds his arms, still watching him with that look in his eyes, his voice level and low, “You look much better blond, Sir, you almost can’t see the bald spot.”

      Somehow, even on the same side of things, Levi still manages to catch him off guard when no one else can. His remark startles a chuckle out of him, but it sounds so tired he doesn’t even recognize his own voice underneath it.

     “Let him worry about something other than how special he is for once,”  It’s rude, biting, and in some ways he agrees. It’s not a thing he’d ever say, and he would scold himself for thinking it.

    “You were out there today, too.” He frowns down at him, something almost haunted in his eyes, the way they widen and then narrow,  “And you need to rest. If you bite it out there, I’m getting kicked right back on the streets, and I think I like eating every day, so.”

     Even with the harshness of his words, Erwin cannot feel any venom behind them. It seems to be his way. He still can’t pinpoint when exactly Levi had started showing up in his general vicinity _without_ any murderous intent, but it was a welcome change. He hadn’t exactly bonded with any of his other squad members, so perhaps he felt a bit lost.

     “Shadis wouldn’t get rid of you,” He sits back, finally allows himself to rub at his stinging eyes, “You’re too rare a talent for him to toss aside.”

     “Well, don’t I feel special,” Levi slid his foot out from under the desk carefully, leaving it righted. It would undoubtedly tip again no matter what anyone did to it, short of sawing it up for kindling. “Anyway, still stands. Take a break, or at least let me do some of them. I feel tired just looking at you.”

     “That’s kind of you, Levi,” He stretched, his stiff neck making an awful popping sound that made him wince. He didn’t have time to refuse his assistance before Levi had slid a portion of the pile to the other side of the desk and flipped them to face him. Erwin hadn’t even seen him grab a pen, but there it was.

     Levi furrowed his brow, peeking over at one of the signed letters and his lips pouted out a little in concentration as his gaze returned to the papers in front of him. Erwin sat there, not quite stunned, but perhaps far too tired to have much of a reaction outside of a barely uttered “Uh.”

      “Think I’ve got it. His penmanship is shit  anyways. Hard to do it on purpose.” Levi turned the paper back over to Erwin, waiting for his approval on the forgery.

      Erwin had to admit it was expertly done, and he wondered how often Levi had done the same thing with other names, other signatures, to have done this so effortlessly.

     “I-, that certainly does look to be a match. But,”

      Levi was already on his way across the room and returned to the desk dragging the armchair from the corner behind him like it was nothing more than a bundle of laundry.

      “Really, you should be sitting in this. Man of your age, and all,” he huffed a sigh as he sat down anyway, likely already knowing that Erwin wouldn’t budge. He twirled the pen in his fingers as he considered the letters in front of him.

     “My age? How old do you think I am, Levi?”

     “Old.”

      “I’d be willing to bet there’s not more than five years between us.” Erwin allowed his shoulders to relax. Levi was a bit odd in the way he approached things, however he couldn’t help but feel this was something meant to put him more at ease. Levi hummed, doubtful, and continued working. Erwin knew there was no convincing him to take this time to rest, he was just as stubborn as himself, so he resolved to lessen the burden Levi had taken on.

     He fully intended to get to work, but he paused at the sight of Levi’s eyes scanning back and forth across the page, careful. He seemed to read each addressee, each name of the fallen before he signed off under the Commander’s name. In the dimming lamplight, he looked more tired than he had only minutes ago.

      “Levi,” his voice is softer now than he thought it could be these days, “You’ve already helped me out, I think I’ll be able to finish and send the ones that are left. You should get some sleep while you can.”

      At first, Levi looked poised to argue with him, but he ran out of steam before he could even start.

     “I can’t. Besides, I almost lobbed your hand off a month ago, so don’t worry about it.”

      Erwin felt his chest grow tight. Of course. It had taken him years to even think about being able to sleep after an expedition, and even then the carnage, the loss and fear, stayed in his head and played in his dreams over and over and over. That was not all that troubled him, though.

      “That’s all done with now, you were never in my debt, Levi.” The scratch of pen on paper stops abruptly.

     “Then I’m in humanity’s debt. A lot more would’ve died if I killed you.” The way he says it, like he’s talking about the weather, is enough to send chills darting up and down Erwin’s spine. It isn’t that he distrusts Levi or thinks that he’ll harm him, but the knowing calm with which he speaks is a little frightening. Whatever horrors he’d lived beforehand had shaped Levi, as Erwin’s own demons had shaped him.  They’d held each other’s lives in their hands, and maybe that connection is why he fears to think on what hell the underground had been to him.

     “But you didn’t,” Erwin says, firmly, “and you lent us your strength instead. If you keep punishing yourself, it may well be the death of you.” He knows that he’s in no position to talk about self-flagellation, but he knows this path too well to let someone else, someone he’s begun to consider a friend, venture down it.

     Levi looks at him like he’s said something in a language he understands better than the one they’ve been speaking. He closes his eyes and slumps back in the chair, arms folded over his chest, a gentle barricade to things he isn’t ready to let into the light.

      “You’re right, I guess,” he still holds the pen between his fingers like it’s tethering him here, keeping him from drifting away, “The world will punish us both more than enough.”

      Erwin smiles, because he is a man that smiles at the truth, no matter how brutal. He looks across at Levi and expects to see some level of revulsion, but instead he sees the slight crinkle under his eyes, one of them cracked open and peeking at him, and the faint glimpse of sharp, white teeth.

     The letters are signed by morning, ready to be delivered. The sun streams through the window, catching in the gold of Erwin’s hair while he rests his eyes, head pillowed on his folded arms. The sound of a pen falling upon the floor isn’t enough to rouse him as it slips from Levi’s loosening grip. After, there is only the sound of their mixed breathing, slowing every minute.


End file.
